Barnes Family Annual Letter 2008

Dear all,

2008 has been a mixed year for the Barneses. We all end it healthy and happy, and facing a challenging 2009 with determination.

I've travelled a lot in England this year, mostly down to Cambridge for work, or visiting a client in Bristol, or Helen and her children in Brighton. My only trip abroad was to Holland to visit my brother and family in November. But shortly after last year's letter, I spent Christmas week in Morocco with the lovely Helen, learning to surf at Essaouira on the Atlantic. The sun shone, the waves waved, the beaches went on for miles. Fabulous.

I've managed to fit in some side-trips to my family's Pink Wood in Somerset, which is beautiful. I have been more active in managing the wood this year - there are now a number of marked paths, and maps for public use. In May I spent a weekend camping in the wood with Helen, hosting a gathering of environmental activists. A fine time, somewhat washed out by torrential rain on the Monday morning.

In August, the children were with me for three straight weeks (Emm travelled in the American southwest). We had a lovely time, at home and visiting friends. We ended up at the Beachdown Festival near Brighton, with Helen and her children - Joe and Esme's first rock festival, and lots of fun apart from the rather inadequate toilet provision. The location is amazing: a huge natural bowl in the South Downs, with views over Brighton and the Channel. The weather turned windy and damp towards the end, but we stuck it out.

The only other pop concert I attended this year was Eels in Sheffield - an excellent gig. Then Joe's school Christmas concert was also a stand-out.

Joe is now a teenager - hard to believe - and we went paintballing for his birthday. His passions are music, movies, and Wii (the Quantum of Solace game - a "first-person shooter" - seems to have sucked up a lot of time over the last few weeks). He excels at school (level 7 in Maths and Science), and is one of a small group of friends who spend a lot of time together in and out of each other's houses.

Esme is 9 now, enjoys ice-skating and reading, is a big fan of High School Musical, and is blossoming beautifully. Her confidence in her handwriting and imagination was tremendously boosted by a few months of short weekly private tuition. In the spring Emm took her to New York for a few days - a big adventure.

For her school show this Christmas she got involved in making and painting the scenery, which suits her very much: a significant contribution whch uses her creative impulses, but free from the anxiety of live performance. She was the only child named by the head teacher in her post-show speech.

In June I turned 40, and had a fine party with many friends from far and near. Growing older, and wiser perhaps, has only a few disadvantages. My body doesn't respond to exercise so quickly and positively - I had to drop out of the Great South Run in October because my old ankle sprain wouldn't tolerate running for more than a few miles. I have been doing the sponsored Aspire Channel Swim again - swimming 22 miles over a few weeks, in a local pool - although a persistent cold has prevented me from finishing it in time.

Helen and I ended our relationship in the summer - it just wasn't sustainable given the distance between us. She is training to be a school teacher, specialising in languages. We will surely remain friends, and who knows what the future holds?

I've spent a lot of time with a new friend Bink, and her charming parents and siblings near Oxford. We were introduced at a party in Cambridge. I jokingly describe myself as Bink's "inappropriately older man", as many people mistake our closeness for something more (and she is a little over half my age). But in truth both of us prefer this uncomplicated supportive friendship.

At the beginning of October, Emm called to tell me she had been offered a job in Egham, down in Surrey. Her work here in Manchester would soon come to an end anyway; the Surrey job has tenure and a career path. I made it clear that if she moved then I would move too, so we could continue the co-parenting which has worked well for the last two years. We don't agree on everything but we do manage to parent well. I am feeling torn about this, because I am deeply attached to my Manchester home, which is ideally suited to the three of us and where I have built a new life. I may yet decide to let it out and rent somewhere Dahn Sahf. On the other hand, Surrey is a lot closer to most of the places I visit on my endless trips for business or pleasure.

Emm is moving at the start of January; the children will stay here with me until Easter and then we will move too. The children have mixed views on the move. They will miss their friends and their schools, but they both agree it would be much worse to have to travel hundreds of miles between parents.

Also in early October, Emm called me late at night to ask urgently for help - I went to her house, reassured the children, and made tea for a couple of hours while the incident was handled. I don't want to write more about this here. It greatly upset the children, who are still a little unsettled, and it won't be repeated.

For more pictures from 2008, see this flickr set. Here are a few selected at random. Flickr is cool.

Merry Christmas, one and all!

N.x